I try to put my finger on it but I'm not sure I'm hitting close to the reasons why. My observations are many though:
- The seeming lack of their ability to communicate: Now don't get me wrong, I do recognize that they communicate. What I wonder is if social networking online is a true way of communicating that causes them to take responsibility for who they are, what they say and how it affects their surroundings. Face-to-face communication forces one to take responsibility for what they say since the person is right before them and the emotional reactions are visible and evident and ownership of what one says is real. Cyberspace tends to de-personalize communication, making it very one-sided and so convenient to the one communicating but not necessarily healthy. Sometimes I just wish they would pick up the phone and call their friends rather than "msn them."
- The seeming lack of general respect for others: I wonder if we have created a bubble for our teenagers? We hover over them so much and subsequently their world is so ordered around them as a person, that I wonder if we have invariably created the lack of respect we see that they have for others. Wild night parties are supposedly okay because they are 'having fun' yet it doesn't seem to cross their minds that they are disturbing their neighbours and putting their friends in jeopardy by binge drinking and driving under the influence.
- The seeming casualness of their sexual activity: I find that their music and their culture views sex as an act - not a commitment. Sex is what you simply "do" as a teenager. That statement in itself worries me since I realize then that my girls are being objectified because they are girls by boys who have a casual sense about what is expected from them in terms of their sexuality. No one seems to be teaching them about the context of sex within a loving relationship. Marriage hasn't fared well either since parents have demonstrated an unreliability about marriage in general. I do know that a lot of teenagers, more than we would like to think, have been hurt by marriage breakdown and this has directly affected their view of themselves and their sexuality by removing the healthy environment that models healthy sexual activity. Marriages break up because one of the spouses "fools around" - betrays the trust of relationship. I know the answer is healthier marriages and relationships that model healthy sexuality. But who is teaching these teenagers? Sometimes I feel that sexuality is more of a "warning" in the High School context then a healthy aspect of life and relationships.
- The ongoing adolescence: I basically was done with adolescence when I got to college and was on my own. In many ways I had to grow up and be responsible for myself, take care of myself and take responsibility for the relationships that I was building. I got married when I was 23 years old and had my first child at 25. I look at 23 and 25 year old and they are still living in adolescence - still dressing and behaving in the same immaturity they expressed in their teens. That worries me about the future. What happens to children born to Young Adults still expressing their adolescence? What happens to the work force with Young Adults still living in adolescence well in their late 20's - some in their early 30's?
I know I could go on but I'm sure you get the picture. How are we going to change this? I know that its up to us to change it. We can point the finger all we want toward this emerging generation but we are ultimately to blame for creating the insecure environment that they have been raised in. We are not all individually to blame but I think together we are culpable in what they have become when we neglected to monitor what they watched on TV. When we neglected to ask them about their friends, about what they were doing and where they were going. We are culpable when we didn't take the initiative to engage our teenagers to talk about what is going on in their lives. We are culpable when we said, "I'm too tired right now to talk." We are responsible when we knew they were hurting but did not engage them because we were afraid of what we might find out and did not want to know what they were doing. We are particularly responsible when we didn't take initiative to teach them how to build relationships with others and live in healthy relationship with others. We are culpable when we didn't use situations to help them learn and understand that their actions impact others and they needed to think about others before they acted.
I feel my wife and I have done and are doing our best to raise teenagers that have respect for others and the world around them. Yes they are selfish and yes they are hormonal and yes they don't think before they act and yes they don't see how their actions now affect the future but that doesn't stop us from trying to help them realize that they do! We can't be part-time or absent parents. Being a parent is a lifelong commitment to helping children become adults who take responsibility for their lives and the world around them.
Some of you may say, "but I don't have children." I wonder if that abdicates you from teaching and influencing this emerging generation? There are certainly many teenagers who can use a supportive adult other then their parents! Exerting your responsibility on our world I believe involves your getting involved to fill a gap of adult influence in the life of a teenager. You have the opportunity to make up for what a parent has neglected.
What worries me though is what will my children's future be like given an emerging generation that seems so ill equipped for life in general? They will certainly make their way through like we did but I want them to know that we are on their side - cheering them on to take responsibility for their lives and their world and to make it the place that they want to live in.
Here's hoping that you are as worried as I am and worried enough to do something to change it.
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